Yo Harleyeaah

still kickin' fo the best.

Friday, December 24, 2010

choose ..

A certain marj in the universe said, "One thing you must realize, these feelings will pop up again at certain times in your life..."

My reply to that would be my infamous "i can attest to that" line.

They do. When everything seems to be okay, when you are on steady ground... they pop up all of a sudden, shaking you once again.

The past three days counted as those "certain times when they will pop up again". Monday and Tuesday was smooth. For a long time, I've never felt so peaceful, so secured, so confident that good things will happen just as I wait.

Wednesday, however, was the killer. I lost my phone and there goes the trigger. Having merely sleep and limited my connection to people.One of my friend (kat) probably have heard this from me a lot of times. While there are YM, Facebook, name it, as options - they're not just as accessible.

Friday, I went home in the morning drunk decided to take a taxi. So, i hailed the bright of session road. . The "hinge" part of the taxi door hit my right thigh and knee, and boy did it hurt. I wanted to cry, not because I was in pain, but because I felt so afraid. Masakit, nakakatakot... at magisa ako. But i tried to fight it over and focused on getting home safe, and thankfully, I made it. Ikaw ng lasing ksi hmpft

The moment I arrived, I told tta mercy my board mate. My news seemed more like a trivia to her. "Oh? Talaga?" was her response. And I know that wasn't what I wanted to hear. I went to bed after and tried to sleep, but couldn't. I did one thing I knew I had to do... CRY. I read the blog “when your down to nothing God is up to something. after but none of what I read sank in. I tried to talk to God but all I could mutter was, "Lord, I feel so alone." I kept on repeating Psalms 62:5, "Find rest o my soul in God alone..." I calmed down after sometime. I tried going back to sleep again but still couldn't.

I borrowed eric’s phone and texted my friend brandie about it. he sent me an online message after and asked me about what happened and then I shared. If the news sounded like a trivia to tta mercy, the news sounded like something that's happened to another person and not me. "Ay hala!" and then he shifts to a new topic. Again, not the response I wanted to hear.

I was seeking for comfort. Not just a sigh of relief to know that i'm okay and alive. Yes, I was hurt. But know too how horror-ed I was. That's what I wanted comfort for more than anything else. Conversation with friend was over after a few minutes. I pretended to be okay. "khate, your own cares."

Went back to bed and had that lonely feeling again. Before I knew it, kinakain na naman ako ng thoughts at emotions ko. I felt lonely and empty. There went the longing again, the wishing, the going back to the past. And then i was able to fall asleep.

Woke up .. I was drowning in my emotions already, add to that my hurting leg. The drama didn't stop as I almost scream, I felt damn hurt. For more! And then there were tears.

And that was it, surefire, khate’s not okay. khate's unstable once more. I tried to read blogs again but none of what I read sank in. Read a devotional online and boy, was it timely. The question was "have you left your heart unguarded?" I read through it but nothing was really sinking in.

Caught arv online and talked to him. Drama. Drama. Drama. None of what he was advising was also sinking in. I was just so full of emotions. Then he went offline.

blogings again
"don't let him have a foothold on you. be strong. see how the Lord helped us through everything, and whenever manggugulo ang kaaway. remember, God is for you, who can be against you?"
- It's true, the enemy will always try to take away from us the victory that we have in God. And the key is not to let the enemy take it away from us.

And then I remembered what my friend told me, your emotions are not your master. God is.

And as a response to loneliness, the devotional suggested to think of this: "According to Jesus, you have a Heavenly Father who loves you, you know" Plus the devotional quoted: Here’s His promise… “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4: 6 & 7, NIV)

marj was right. When you're drowned in your emotions. Fight it! Drown yourself in the word.

And this morning I will once again tell myself, "Find rest my soul in God alone. My Hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and salvation. He is my fortress. I will not be shaken."

I have to remember to hold on to THE rock so even if the ground gets a little or not little shaky, I'll stay still.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

But I Love You..



To be or not to be..
Im staring  at the clock its quarter to 3 i’m tossin to bed cause i just cant sleep..cause your not here with me im reachin out for you i wish i can talk to you. Tryn to figure out whats goin on with me im used to have all the answers for everything oh boy ! tsk dunno what to do. Its so crazy a u simply amaze me. All the games i played and the 3pings im doin seems so lame to me im goin down with this new me ahggh but still i dunno if your tellin the truth or just 3pin. 

leave the past :)

I was scanning my old sim when I saw your messages way back 2008. It made me smile while reading the messages and then I paused for a bit, reminiscing. These are few of the perfect memories you left me that I will treasure forever. I’m finally letting you go even though it breaks me; I’m going to put everything away that would bring me pain. I know someday we’ll see each other again and when the time comes, you’ll see the same smile, just as how you made me smile the way I used to—just as how we shared the true meaning of life.

Ina - Suddenly [with lyrics]

after ng fall :)

Officially yours- craig david :)

Verse 1]
Thinkin' how the story goes
You're helpless and I'm wishin'
Put the film inside my mind
But there's a big scene that I'm missin'
As I re-read my lines
I think I said this, I should've said that
Did you edit me out of your mind
'Cos in a flash you had disappeared, gone (gone)
Before the curtain falls
And we act this out again
Maybe I should risk it all and state

That I'm officially going on the record
To say I'm in love with you
I'm officially everything you hope that I would be
This time I'll tell the truth
I'm officially wrong I know
For letting you go the way I did
Unconditionally more than I ever was before
I'm officially yours
La da day, la da day
La da da da da oh

[Verse 2]
Travellin' down this road again
Gotta make a few decisions
Don't want you to feel this hurt again
That's why I'm hopin' that you'll listen
If you let me press rewind
I'll rehearse every word I should have said
'Cos girl I'm ready to make things right
Here on this stage so we can move on (on)
And before the curtain falls
And we act this out again
Missin' pieces I'll resolve so stay

I'm officially going on the record
To say I'm in love with you
I'm officially everything you hope that I would be
This time I'll tell the truth
I'm officially wrong I know
For letting you go the way I did
Unconditionally more than I ever was before

Things I should have said
Like I appreciate the time that I spend with you
Inspire me with the smile I put on your pretty face
My world comes alive, now I know (now I know it babe)
This time I'm not letting go
'Cos I'm officially yours (oh oh)

Officially everything you hope that I would be
This time I'll tell the truth
I'm officially wrong I know
For letting you go the way I did
Unconditionally more than I ever was before

I'm officially going on the record
To say I'm in love with you
I'm officially everything you hope that I would be
This time I'll tell the truth
I'm officially wrong I know
For letting you go the way I did
Unconditionally more than I ever was before

Girl I'm unconditionally yours (oh yeah)
Officially yours, your man (La da day, la da day, la da day)
Girl I'm unconditionally yours (La da da da da oh)
Officially yours, I am

Girl I'm unconditionally yours (listen what I'm tryna say)
Officially yours, your man (oh oh)
Girl I'm unconditionally yours
Officially yours, I am

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


SAYGOODBYE – chris brown
Dang! Everytime na naririnig ko tong kantang  to it breaks my heart and i dunno y? D namn cguro dahil d pa ko nakapag move on kay mack ung 3 years ko b4. Tumatak lng siguro skin to ksi firstime ako ginago ni mack eto ung naalala ko. Ansakit parin solid, naiiyak parin ako. Maganda rin balik balikan ang nakaraan right? Ginago nya ko nun nambabae sya . mhae name nung girl. Im so down saknya tipong solid talga. Nasa net shop kmi nun naghahanap ng songs and then pinanuod ko music video netong kantang to’asar na asar ako kasi uhmm panuorin nyo nlng vdeo neto haha  sbi ko kay mack nun “solid namn dhad ang gagu ni chrisbrown” sbi nya “ano ka ba mhie ee video lng yan. Scripted “. tapos nun mga 3 days ok naman kmi as in ok na ok pero meron na ung gbi na di xa nagttx un na ung start na pag loloko nya nararamdamn ko my kakaiba ng nangyayari sknya. Saamin , nahuli ko xa my kasmang babae si mhae nga nkipaghiwalay ako pero ako parin ung bumabalik sknya hanggang sa sinabi ko na ayoko na talga muka na ko gago tanga nagshot ako nun wala man lng ko masabhan ng problema kc wala ko sa baguio nung time na un lam mo ba ung gsm blue? With straw un pare lasing na lasing ako. Ang stupid ko pa nun.  Gang sa nagmove on na ko on my own MOVE ON TALAGA pero napansin ko momove on ako pabalik sknya .awwww stupid noh. Nagkabalikan kmi pero  wala na ko tiwala nun. Si mack nagturo skin wag magtiwala kya blame it on mack lol
Wala naalala ko lng haha aning ! un lng walng kwenta no hahaha GOODBYE!


Today i just figured that i should end this stupidity before it totally kills me ! I have proven time and again that relationship whose foundation is a weak as infant and a relationship that sprung out of lies and nurtured with lies will never head a rightful path. Yet i continued playin with the game believing we can work things out. But what could you expect from a LONG DISTANCE LOVE AFFAIR? I should not have allowed us to reach this far, i should not have invested too MUCH, and i should not have played the game where we would all be losers hurting at the end. But what’s the use of my bla bla bla over things that can never be undone? So the mature thing to do now is to LET Go of it at once.. will i still have the courage to lose grip ? today, im putting a quotation to this stupid sentence a PERIOD ....THANK YOU AND GOODBYE ! 

just another talkin : bagay tau.. :)

Just another talking: ano tayo ?TAO TAYO hindi BAGAY TAYO
he: hey khate watsup?!
K8:yea im good kw musta ka? Bkit ka napatawag
He: im fine namn wala unli e.. noh bago.
K8: nothings new, cge tols my gagawin pa ko. Tawag ka nlng maya
(unli lng pala sig ago)
He: iniiwasan mo ata ako hehe hndi cge ingat jan noh
K8: ok ikaw din..baba mo na
He: ghe. La bang i love u jan ?
K8: ocge i love me.
Woah i didn’t expect him to call me again. I don’t know what to say kaya parang nagging ilag ako sa knya. Oh my gosh yang kntng yan kinakanta nya skin before.. walng kmi pero ok kami no commitments pero were like hmm kAMI? Sarap pakingan noh. KAMI.. damn everyday magkausap sa phone hated sundo nya ako food3p laughing3p movie3p lahat na ng trippings ohh damn i miss him whenever he trip on people who aint cool jan xa pinakamagaling.. sound3p kung makakanta kmi sabay batuhan ng mga lyrics i get jealous whenever sinasbi nya hmm tol i met a girl na ganto ganyan ako namn si ok sige pkilala mo skin ee di namn nya pinapakilala alm ko ginagawa lng nya ung mga ganun na kwento para magselos ako. Alm na nya ksi kung ano  kakapikon ko .. were allgood hanggang sa he asked me ano tayo? Oh well na stone at inabot nanamn ako ng kapraningan hmm TAO ? lol stupidity strikes.. aasar kc un pag alam serious tapos lolokohin, pero i made him smile dat time kc binanatan ko ng BAGAY tayo haha corny corny pero ewan ko were inlove lng siguro or ako lng inlove that time ok kmi tapos biglng POOOFF!
K8: ahmm susunduin mo ba ko ?
He: aw khate i cant make it lalaro ko dota ngaun kainitan ee
K8: aw d mo ko sinama nalalaro pa namn ako haist daya
He: di namn sa lahat ng oras kelngan magkasma tau..
(ako napatigil FUCK!! Mother founder! Na stone ako sa sinabi nya,, anskit kya nun noh lam mo un solidongpulido. Kaya naisip ko na wag nlng magreply)
He: ei you mad khate?
K8: sorry l8 reply.. kakatapos ko lng maligo. Oo nga namn nakakasawa ka na ksing kasama hahaha joke lng :p
He: wohooo kya pla nagpapasundo ka at gusto mo mkilaro ng dota ok kkasawa pla e.
K8 joke lng namn tol
He: ohh tol? (yaw nya ksi na tinatawag xa ng tol e)
K8:oo tol haha (jealousy out of anger i was at my worst but i cant help it. All i want is to hurt him just like the way he hurt me with his words)
Ahmm di na xa nag reply
Kinagabihan ..
He: wer u at TOL lets roll dala ko tsekot ..
Di na ko nag reply nun nakikipag alak na ko that time..
“i wanna be on you .. said excuse me lil moma...... (ring tone ng fone ko xa namili nyan J)
K8: hello san ka?
He:ikaw ang nasaan ?! bat ang ingay i thot di ka labas?
K8: shot kmi ee san ka ba ?
He: sundo kita san ka now na
K8:sige meet nlng tau session mcdo
He: go kna wag mo baba fone gang sa makasky ka ng taxi
K8:maka utos ka parng batman matic?
He: dami reklamo sige na
K8: gusto mo ako si darna ?! paalam pa ko tawag ka after 5 mins
He: fine
Ewan ko na kung anong dating naming noon pero gusto ko xa makasama kya binilisan ko na magpaalam sa mg friends ko
W8ng na ko sa session noon..
Tnxt ko na xa.
“Ă„ndito na ko san kna” ..( middle of the nyt lakas ng ulan.. not complaining just stating facts)
After 10 mins reply nya..
He:anjan ka pa?
K8: malamng asan kna ba uwi na ko tgal mo what took u so long ba?
He: i cant make it. Hinarang ako ng tropa alak e
(alam mo ung feeling na shit ur tryin na libangin ung self mo tapos biglang tatawag xa ansya mo paasa lng pla..sobrang hopeless na ko nun hay taena talaga.)
K8: ok sna tnxt mo ko agad w8ng is not a good habit ghe tc jan
So naisipan ko na gumimik nlng mag isa ko sakay ng taxi “kuya albertos po” hmm naiiyak na ko na nababad3p taena talaga .nag aalak na ko sa bar malolowbat pa fone ko im still w8 for his tx. Wala padin its like 3 am na  nagtx xa,, ayoko pa umuwi kya nag khaldis pa ko.
He: just got home
K8: ohh thats good.
He:asan kna ?
K8:puso mo?
He:tinnatanong kita asan kna ?
K8:khaldis alone uwi narin ko mea mea
He: go ka d2 bhay d2 kna dumeretcho..
K8:my bhay ako dun ako uuwi
He:wag mo antayin sunduin kita jan
K8:bhala ka jan
Sinundo namn nya ko he texted me “d2 na ko san kna “so lumabas ako
He: oh lsing kna pumasok kna d2
K8: ayoko mya nagshoshot pa ko,
He:tang ina namn eh
K8:tang ina talaga pinagaantay mo ko ng wala damn it bhala ka jan .
So pumasok ako sa loob ng khaldis sumunod xa umupo sya sa tabi ko naiiyak na ko nun pero tumayo ko sbi nya ohh san ka pupunta ? sa Cr bkit sama ka ? so nung nasa cr na ko din a napigilan pag iyak ko pag labas ko la nna xa sa table ung bag ko asa knya na nasa sasakyan nya so pumunta na ko dun hmm sbi nya hated na kita sbi ko ok . nakasleep ako sa sasakyan tapos nagstop over xa sa 7/11  natulog ulit ako pagising ko asa garahe na nila kmi “oh kala ko ba hahatid mo na ko bhay ko ba toh ? umakyat kna sa taas pag nakasalubong mo si mama umayos ka. Park ko lng to.
Nung pagdating ko sa kwarto nya nagbhis na ko, pag akyat nya my dala xang 3 beer at coffee sbi ko sknya “ano yan ipapainom mo skin? Sumagot xa malamng mangunguya mo ba to? (gagu ng mahal ko no) inabot nya skin ung kape sby sbi kung nagugutom ka kumuha ka sa baba ano ka prensesa?! (parang bhay ko namn un na touch ako ksi parang part na ko ng family) sumagot ako di ikaw nlng haha pinapanuod ko xang nagshoshot hbng nagkakape ako. Nagusap kmi ng masinsinan..
Sbi nya .sorry khate sby iyak that time napatawad ko na xa .. pero di ako nagslita sbi ko pla ohh para kng tanga bkit ka umiiyak ? sbi nya tang ina mo mahal na ksi kita kaso tang ina di ko lam kung ano tayo. Sbay sbi ko tang ina ang tanda na natin di pa natin lam kung ano edi TAO!  Dun na xa natawa J ok na kmi